you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize