At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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