i think i have two assholes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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