Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
