You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
