Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
