dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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