smell my finger.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
