Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
our cab driver is having phone sex.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
