then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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