dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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