she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
