good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
