Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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