Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
