cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
