Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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