No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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