when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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