I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize