Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
