you would pick up someone in the library
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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