i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
