He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize