Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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