Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
