Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
