The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
