No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
