And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
