the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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