I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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