I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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