He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
