I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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