Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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