I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
