i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
