He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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