Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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