I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
