Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
