1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
