at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
