he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
