oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
