so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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