My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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