there's paper in my vomit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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