Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
