I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
