I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
