btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
