Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
