Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
