So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
