i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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