no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I smell like Dick and happiness
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