bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
