but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
