i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
