My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
