Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize