my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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