help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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