everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize