she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Randomize
