I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
