Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
